That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
