quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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