your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
