There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it's like heaven, but drunker
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
