I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
