A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
