We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
