I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
