I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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