She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
