So drunk its hurt
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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