Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
