booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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