She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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