So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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