Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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