Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
