i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
