i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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