Whoa Z and x make the same sound
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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