we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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