If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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