Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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