at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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