You're completely useless in the revolution.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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