I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
