apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
