When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
