did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
