i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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