i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
