he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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