we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
