i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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