Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
