One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
