my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So. Much. Porn.
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