i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
