THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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