The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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