Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
