I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
