My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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