'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
