Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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