I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
