Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
