If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
