There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
