Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
