a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
