You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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