I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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