I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
