Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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