I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
