I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
