I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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