never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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