Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we're making bets on your personal life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
