You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
