Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
